Posted by on 26 Apr 2013 in Personal | 3 comments

Parenting is a hard and noble calling. It can be done well or poorly. It can be entered into by choice or by chance. I was like a deer in the headlights. Frozen, mostly with fear at the idea of failing as a parent, falling down, falling short, not measuring up to the ideal of what I thought a “good” dad was supposed to be.

Photo Source: www.creationswap.com by Samuel Kaylor

Photo Source: www.creationswap.com by Samuel Kaylor

Last year as we were struggling with the decision to adopt we were praying and seeking God on just what we should do. We had been praying for a family, wanted a family, but the idea of being a dad, was for me still something I didn’t know if I could do. I was afraid. But what prospective parent isn’t to one degree or another? Fear teaches us to be cautious, right? To move slowly, to investigate what lies ahead, to not move too quickly… or to run away as fast as possible. I was stuck between wanting to run away and move ahead. My fight or flight instincts were perfectly balanced, and I was frozen.

I had recently started reading a chapter from the book of Proverbs each day based on the date. (I highly recommend this. Just start on the chapter that corresponds with today’s date: chapter one on the 1st of the month, chapter 2 on the 2nd, etc.) The Proverbs are all about Godly wisdom. And it’s written as a father speaking to his son.

One day I was reading and I felt like God was the father speaking to me as his son. I felt like this was the Lord’s word for me, that I needed to listen to His wisdom, that I needed to seek His knowledge and His will in a way that I hadn’t before. That I needed to rely not on my wisdom, or my strength, or my ability as a father to raise up a child, but I needed to rely on God’s wisdom and that would be sufficient to the task.

This is what I read:

“My son, if you will receive my words, and hide my commandments with you; So that you incline your ear unto wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; Yea, if you cry after knowledge, and lift up your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures;

Then you shall understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom: out of his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. He lays up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly. He keeps the paths of judgment, and preserves the way of his saints.”

And as I was reading I saw myself in the role of the father speaking these words to my child, instructing, guiding, protecting. And I felt that God was saying I could do it. That he would teach me to be a father as I was teaching my child. And I felt a burden lift. The Lord used these verses to let me know that I could be a parent, that I didn’t need to be afraid, that I could actually “do” this and “be” a good dad.

And a peace came over me. A peace that said I didn’t have to have it all figured out. That I didn’t have to know how to be a good parent. I just needed to rely on God and I would be a good parent. He was showing me the end from the beginning and giving me a peace that was beyond reason or understanding.

Now I’m looking forward with hope. I know that there are times I’ll mess up, that I’ll make mistakes. But I know that God will be there with me guiding me and leading me. And that was all the confirmation I needed.